Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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