Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
