the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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