I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
