Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
