I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
