Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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