WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
