Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
