Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
