He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
