My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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