he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
