I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
