Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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