I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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