false alarm. still invincible.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She's the barista slut.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
