hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
