there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
