i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
