remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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