We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
