You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
