she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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