listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
