Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
