Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
