I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
