so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
