chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
