You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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