i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
