You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This is classic penis vs brain.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
