Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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