and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize