No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
