i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
