Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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