guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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