she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
