He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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