i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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