I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize