tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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