No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
