ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
