The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
