you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
