just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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