We won't sleep together?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
