I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just found a bag of teeth...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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