Please, let me fuck your mom
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
