i need an iv and a liver transplant
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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