Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
