Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
