you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
