what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
