$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
