Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
