Kiss
Puke
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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