if you like me you must not know who I am
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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