Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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