You can't motorboat a personality
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
