are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
