just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
