And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
