By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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