He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
