from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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