Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
